Wanted : a gay friend that has been there.

So i just really hate this whole thing. Family seriously, mainly the parents. Cause well lets face it. My mom has out right told me that she will never support ANY GLTBQ (When was the Q added??? i never got the memo) person, for any rights, or for that fact hire a QLTBQ person. Ever. How did i find this out. Well she was talking about have to write a non-discrimination letter to a company to get computer software for her non-for-profit, and she has to use certain words and she told them that she couldnt. I pretty much knew what she didnt want to write, but i asked anyway. And she responded with, "I support Gay and Lesbian way of life and rights" which she retorted, "which i dont at all". And things were left at that. I didnt want WWIII breaking loose in her office right there, and since i was about to leave, didnt want to get any farther into it than needed be.

And then the whole with my dad, really only having a relationship with me, kinda sorta, since i have come out, well more rather since my mom told him about it, cause she was depressed about it all. Gah its like spend time with me cause im your son not because im gay. Sometimes i just get so pissed about what my parents do because im gay rather than because im their son.

And then the whole fact that i seem to be going thru this alone. I have no close gay friends that have told family that have been like this. (NO i am NOT saying that they need to tell their family) It either seems like there family knows and its all ok, or they havent told their family at all. I would like to talk to someone on my own level sometimes. Someone that has told some family and they are trying to fight an uphill battle at times. When family puts them in christian counseling (which lucky for me, is like a huge vent session, only downside it takes 5 hours out of my day, to get there, hour of counseling and then back) And a family that tries to push you straight, push you towards "WHOLESOME" old fashion religion. (I know that God and i have had rough spots, but i havent given up on Him and he hasnt given up on me, isnt that enough????) And the fact that its like anything gay around me is bad, and talking about it is even worse.

I would just want that one person who is there, on that level, to talk to in person, a friend and nothing more. Sometimes things are just soooo hard im not sure what to do. I think thats how i started just living day by day. Because right now if i look down the road in my life, im not sure what i see, and most of it looks bad. Dammit i try to be a happy person, get all the happiness in i can, and try not to let stupid things get to me. But living day by day gets harder everyday with the real world just right around the corner. I have to think about what im going to do, even tho 90% of the time i dont want to. I dont want to plan for the next 10 years, give me back the last 7 years of my life and then we might talk.

Take me back to when i was 6 yrs old and i didnt have a care in the world expect for running outta snacks for the day. The days where i would play with all the kids, didnt have to worry about what tomorrow brought, real life, relationships, what family thought. I dont want any of it.

But its all here, and it feels like im alone, like i went first, when i wasnt ready, i want a friend that i can talk to about all this. Someone that is going thru the same thing. So when my parents do crazy things they can help me thru this all. A person that in times of need we can both help support each other, cry, and pick each other up.

So God if ya got someone like that it would be nice to know know about them.