Somedays i really hate being gay, somedays i really would like to be straight. Just what the perceived normal relationship is a guy and a girl. I am sometimes almost jealous of those who are in a hetero relationship. I see those people and i wish that i could have something like that, but i know that if i tried i would just my lying to myself as well as my partner. And then i ask myself "well what do you want in that relationship?" usually its the guy of the relationship. Which just further more points out that a relationship like that will not work for me.
I just wish that somedays that i could be not gay. It would be so much easier for me for just life. I wouldnt have to worry about losing family and friends, and i could talk openly about the person that i meet that im head over heels for with my mom and dad. Instead my dad doesnt want to hear anything about this "passing phase" that im in, and my mom only steps in, when im sad about a relationship, which has only happened once, and she really didnt want to know about the relationship itself, just why i was sad and what she could do to help.
I just hate this somedays, it makes sure that i know that it is going to keep me from having a successful relationship with certain family and friends. And for that i hate this.
Somedays i wish i could go back and start life all over. Maybe things would be different, who knows, but sometimes i wonder.
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