My Dad

Time to talk about my dad a bit

Well I would really like to be close with my dad, but it has never been like that. His main focus was work. He was gone by the time I woke up, and wasn’t really around much in the afternoon. It was like he didn’t care about me at all. And when I tried to help him out, I never once got a thank you, I only got how I screwed it up. It had gotten to the point where I really learned to just phase him out of my life. (yes I know that sounds bad) He wasn’t there growing up for me, so I learned to live without a Dad, and for a time I didn’t even think of him as Dad, even thou I kept calling him that. He was just another person living in my house. The person that didn’t abandon me once, but everyday that he left the house.

But as High School ended and I had written him out of my life, He turned around not wanted me to leave. He wanted to get to know me better. It was like a stranger walking in my life.

So it has been really hard the past two years, wanting to open up to him again, when all the time I thought things had changed only to get disappointed to see that wasn’t true. He says he felt bad that he didn’t get time to spend with me. But it seems like he had time, he just didn’t choose me. I want to be able to talk to him about anything. I want to talk to him about what I want to do with my life, The guys that I think are cute, problems that I am having growing up. Part of me doesn’t think he wants to hear them, or cares about that, and even that he might go back to ignoring me.

I don’t want things like that, at the same time all I have is bad memories of him and I. Nothing really great. And over the years I have tried to connect with him, going golfing, fishing, as well as so many other things. But still nothing. The only truly happy time that I have with him, is a picture, a picture that I cant remember at all, I was quite young. But there we are both happy, and he is smiling. Something I can never remember him ever doing, especially when I was around.

I want to be able to talk to him about, everyday life. But at the same time I don’t want to get hurt, or lose what I have gotten so far.

I just don’t know what to do.