Whats Happening Now

Well as some may know i have officially ended things with my BF. Things were just to stressful with the fighting, school, and the drama with friends.

Even tho it was hard to end things, and i didnt want to, i knew that it was the best thing to do.

Well now i feel very lonely and miss having someone to snuggle with and just have fun with. it would be great to have just someone that i could be close like that too.

The friends that i have very few of them seem close and i am thankful for the ones that are close and that i can talk to. the others seem so far gone in some other reality that they dont care what is happening in this world at all.

And after things were ended between my BF and me. i was upset that my BF started talking to his EX as well as too 2 other people that liked him, and then he kissed one of them as well as went out places with just Him and one of the guys who likes him alot, which just happens to be my roommate from last year. And my roommate has taken up to bad mouthing me behind my back. UGH it just makes me mad, i mean he says that he is sad but then he goes and does these things, i mean so what it he is using these things to "feel better". When people are telling him left and right that they have a thing for him, and want to hang out with him and then he does im like ya that feels SOOOOOooo great that you are hurting about this too. And it seems like he didnt care about me at all.

Now i just want someone to cuddle with and to be next to me. Its lonely right now, spending some weekends by yourself is just not fun at all, and you feel like no one cares about this all.

If my exBF can do things i should be able to do things, right??? idk

And in all of this God is still there, and we talk alot, mainly about other people, i think i have prayed enough for me, i pray for others a lot, family, friends, and my church which is struggling with soon to be just a youth pastor, since we have lost 5 main leaders in the past 5 years. and are going to be losing another one, shortly. So God and I talk about life and mainly others, i think i prayed for me enough last year during the whole "dark months" in my life. ill have to post about it later. And really me praying for the past 6 years about being gay, and such didnt change much, so now i focus on others that need the prayer more than me. And i have seen some people do much better. So i think he is working for other, sometimes i am mad that He doesnt work for me as well as He does for others. But i know that He has something up his sleeve, or at least that i hope He does.

So thats about it,
Im lonely, talking to God, a little mad, thankful for certain friends, and praying for others.