How did i get Here???

It was bound to happen sooner or later, when you hit the situations in life where you have to pick one thing over another. You either do this, or this, not both. You have to sit down and take a look around and see what will play out in the long run, you want to do both but your not superman, so its not going to happen at all. So right now i have to make choices about what i want more, and then try to pick up the pieces as i go along and not try to drop anything along the way. And hopefully i will finish out the school year above the water rather than below.

Had a pretty awesome birthday party, it was people i knew quite well so that always helps out. And even better i didnt wake up on the bathroom floor dressed as Abe Lincoln. And got to spend the next day with my best friend, Alison, that came down. We had a great day, even tho its a town with mostly nothing for college students to enjoy. And thanks for letting me copy your music onto my computer, now i can listen to music for a month straight and not hear the same song twice!!!

Besides that, things have been stressful lately, mainly due to the fact that i have no idea how i am going to make it in the real world yet, most of me just wants to stay at college for another year and figure life out for a bit before im off on my own. I honestly dont know how i am going to make it just yet. I am really not sleeping well, eatting well and its effecting my daily life. And honestly i really dont need any more stress or drama in my life right now. But people have the worst timing and will drag me into drama over stupid stuff, and honestly im sorry about it all, but i just dont have time or energy to deal with it. I think that im going to have to be selfish and focus on me here for the next few months just to make sure that things work out right. So im sorry about your problems, i will try to help you with them, but please dont suck me into them with you. I have enough that has changed and will change within the next couple of months that i dont need all of that to worry about.

I just really want someone that i can at the end of the day come home and lay next to and just not worry about the stress of the day or anything else. Just lay there and enjoy the time together. As well find a job that i will at least somewhat enjoy getting up every day and going to. It would also help to figure out the real world sometime soon. I think that would be the best. But for now i would just like to be able to sleep at normal times and be able to eat real normal food. Thats what i starting to work on to control the stress more. In bed early, wake up at a good time, eat good food, and work out a bit, I just need it to kick in sometime soon here.

St Patties Day

Just only my second holiday, going to enjoy the day and forget about everything that I have to do in the next few months. I just want to party tonight and not care about tomrw.

But as for a relationship I'm still single there are just a couple of people that I have been talking to lately, mostly there is one. Seems like a great guy and everything is older than me and the age gap does concern me a bit. Still great guy and haven't gotten to hang out much with him at all which sucks so I hope that changes soon. I'm ready for a relationship now, that doesn't mean that I'm going to run out and jump into a relationship with just anyone tho. I would like a decently solid relationship that has room to grow and change. I would like to create this relationship soon or at least start to date someone sometime soon, that would be nice at least. We will see what happens with that.

And yes I'm officially moved to Goshen now, even tho I'm back down at college now. I will post some more info in that here with in the next few days. I was hoping to do a video like Cribs or take some pics but that didn't happen. So those will be coming soon then .

As for music well I was hoping to work on some stuff during spring break, mainly some lyric and chords but with no internet, my piano being moved, and me packing and moving most of the time it just didn't work out so well. I will get back to working on that more this next week and it will be quite fun.

Well i think that is all for now, so i will get going, wow it only took me 3 days to get this post up, not long AT ALL (note sarcasm)

When did i sign up for this vaca???

Well so much for spring BREAK, tomrw is the only day that i get off for a while, we have started moving all this week from the house in Elkhart into the house in Goshen, which is weird that i live in Goshen now, or at least thats what my mail will say, i think ill still call it Elkhart tho. But since Sunday we have moving boxed and boxes, and even more boxes over. And tomrw they are cleaning the carpets so i get a break, and spend some time with friends. And then back to moving all over again, moving through the weekend and the after that we get to help my sister move into the old house. So on my birthday i will be moving for most of the day, and getting ready to move everything else the next day. Woot what a birthday and spring break. I just want to sleep and get a bunch of stuff done, but its been crazy since i have been home. I just want to get back to college and be able to sleep on a bed, rather than a couch and recliner. But tomrw will be amazingly nice, a bit of a break, get to work on a bunch of stuff, like some music stuff (mainly lyrics, since everything else is being moved.) As well as work on my website and blog. Oh ya my Movies blog is up and running, only has one review right now, but tomrw it will have a few more, and by next week i hope to have at least 20 movies up on it, and then just keep going. One of my best friends is helping me with the blog, since we both enjoy movies so much. So click my profile and check it out, i know there is another blog on there, but it is on hold for right now, i cant keep that one up by myself and need some more people into reality tv that will post with me. But im super excited for tomrw, its gonna be a full day and im ready for it. Lets pack a spring break week into one whole day!!!

My Birthday Wish

All i want for my birthday is the start of a new wardrobe. College has been harsh to my clothes, most have gone missing in travel, to and from school. My jeans rarely last thru the year before they fall apart, (i use to get at least get 5+ years out of jeans, but now nope. They either go missing or fall apart under 2 years. Half of my wardrobe this year suffered a horrible pen exploding accident that took place in the dryer. And some very nice winter clothes were damaged when they were left by the window back at home, they now have discolored stripes that run across all of them. So it would be a nice start to my new wardrobe, and would be a nice birthday. So hopefully that will happen and i will have a start to a new wardrobe.

Yes i will still talk about everything else, once i get home and moved into the new house.... at least i think that will happen this week sometime. But we will see what Spring Break brings.

Switching Over

Ok, so i had two google accounts one, with my blogs and such, and one for gmail, and linked to youtube and such. Now im in the process of linking the two and then will just be on my gmail account. Dont worry though the blog will still be up and i will still be posting, they may come from both every once in a while but please dont worry everything will be ok, just watch the pretty watch swing back and forth, you are now getting sleepy and you realize that everything will be just fine.

Well now that is done. I have an idea to start blogging about Movies that i am watching. Well im not sure if they will be on this website or if they will be on a different blog yet, prob watch about 2 new movies a week and blog about my thoughts, actors, director, and have a ranking system for the movies. I mean i love movies and watch enough of them usually late at night when im up. I think i could at least write about some things that i love. We will see

But for now, its time to get my hair cut, after my week of sickness it has gotten quite long, and then finish things up before spring break 2010 and figure out what i want to do with some of my old blogs and what to do about a movie blog. Oh i prob should upload some stuff on the 2010 Winter Olympics since i didnt post the whole time that i was watching, those will be some old posts filling up Feb for the most part so keep your eyes peeled for them. And ill update tomrw with what has been going on in my general life and things that are going to change soon.

Things I should prob care more about....

So there are things that i should prob feel more of a pull to get involved with but for some reason i am not.

The first being Gay Political Issues - Ya ya i know, since im gay i should be out there daily picketing for my 'rights' and if im not i shouldnt have them. We need to change people's minds about 'us'. Well im not that driven politically, and to 'force' ideas upon people is one of the hardest things to do, and we really arent an 'us'. I feel like i just need to be me for people to accept me for who i am. i dont need to walk up to people and say hi, im Brian and im gay, no im sooo many other things as well. What does that one thing matter so much? I figure trying to force people into what i think is right takes too much effort, and rarely works. Why not friend people and then show them that you are a human being and form a relationship with them and then they might understand your ideas and thoughts, and you may understand some of their ideas and thoughts as well. Who knows you may learn something.

And the other thing is green and sustainable issues. Yes i know what they are and how to do them, but, i rarely do them. I KNOW, im bad i should be doing them. i just do the small things, sometimes: turn off lights, unplug things, buy the light bulbs, ect. But other times i will leave my computer plugged in all day, let the water run for a long time. But i should be doing more, focusing on other types of energy, as well as recycling programs, starting green groups, being involved with the major green groups. But i still love my comfy life or driving my car everywhere, and my bottled water, and my non-local foods. Once again its the drive, and i hate to do it, but i blame the surroundings. I think i would do better if i was more informed and lived in a place where i could walk to places easier, and shop at local market within a distance of where i live.

Ya i should be, but im not. We will see.

March is finally here

I am so happy it is March, this is when things turn for the better, and after being sick for the past few with the flu and strep, its about time. The rain comes in to wash away the snow and make everything new again. And with me finally being able to go back to school i do have a bit of catch up to play, but all in all i am happy about it. I really do want to pull things together these next few months. Get in shape, get things done, make a plan, follow that plan, go a bit crazy, enjoy life, and take each crazy moment as it comes. It starts with cleaning out the sickness, physically and metaphorically and then going from there. So new goals starting with the rains of march:

I want to read a book every two weeks
Get things done before the day its due
Workout everyday
Up before 9am during the week
Work on Music twice a week
Get a job in a field that i enjoy
Get finances under control
Date again, and get a relationship
Talk to family
Ask why not instead of why
Dont let life pass me by


So with all of that i hope to continue to grow as a person, and honestly enjoy something everyday. I hope to be posting on here with something at least twice a week or more. As well as some music that i have been working on at some point or another. I have some stuff written i just need to put music to it and post it, but it will take me a bit. And i have some stuff from the past here and there that will pop up.