On Cloud Nine

So im on cloud nine right now, its official, i am now in a relationship. The most amazing guy, i have no idea why he thinks the same of me, but he does. He is great and we are BFs now. Its great. But ya i was nervous at first about asking since it seemed early but it just felt right. dont know how to explain it at all. But it just did. It feels great.

Fresh air, when everything else is toxic

Well i wasnt expecting something like this to happen at all, i wasnt really looking for anything. But it just happened, what was i spose to do, run the other way??? I dont think so. He gives me those butterflies, not just the kind that flutter, the kind that go CRAZY, and he makes me blush. Not many guys can do that, not many at all. We both have been falling fast, but what to take things slow, and know each other. And for once i feel really happy, truely happy.

But at the same time that good has been happening, i have hurt others, and im sorry for that, i should have stopped i should have seen what was happening with them, i guess i really didnt care that much. but he needs time to heal right now, even if i did tell him up front what was happening, its still my fault. I really want to introduce him to some other guy that i could possible see it working out with him. But i should have stopped things long ago.

Gah, i guess the good comes with the bad.

Where's My Mail Order Knight?

Is it possible to be jealous of a fictional relationship? seriously. Gah, right now i just need someone who is more than a friend to just lay with and take a nap, just once, that would be great. i would feel sooooo much better after that.

I dont know why im just kinda blah right now, ill get over it, but it would be nice to have someone just for a night even to just be close to. Dont even care about the whole sex thing. Just closeness, physical closeness and i would be ok with that.

Meh its prob me just being stupid right now. Pretty sure that i have overloaded my system, having been trying to do a few too many thing in the past week. I seem to do that, for not doing a lot, i still try to do it all. Even if i dont have time for it. Seems to have been catching up with me, sleeping right thru my alarm, i usally at least wake up turn it off and then go back to sleep. Nope not this time. Gah stupid system being overloaded.

It would be nice to have that closeness, and do nothing for a day, except watch tv drink some juice and be close to that person who is missing. no talking, no nothing, just juice, tv and being close. that would be a nice reset day for me.

Dating?

Hmmmm well i guess it has started, still not sure about it, but what have i 100% certain about until it happened? Really not too much.

So i have started to date a few people. The first is "Flirt" from a while back, well i guess the first official date is this weekend. He is still more of a friend tho, not sure what is going to happen there. And at the same time that i dont want to hurt him in the end. Gah just dont know what i have done here, i see a big disaster happening, mainly cause of my part of it all.

The next is "EB" and we knew each other from last year and kinda talked, and i knew he was pretty much gay, he wasnt ready to come out yet tho. and im just a person to talk to mainly, we just go grab some food and talk, we haven't even been flirting with each other, and if you know me, you know that is almost impossible for me. I guess its cause he is just getting into this whole thing, and is really new to it all, not sure what to do.

Gah

Well see what happens

Getting back into the Swing of things

So school has been going on for a while now. And i have to say its been nice being back at school even with my Ex being here, we had a talk, and now im trying to be nice and civil. At least try harder to be, i have been hearing that he has had a hard time because of what happened with us, not really my wish, so ill try not to make it so hard for him. Which means i should be a good boy and not do anything at all. But i feel like having some fun this year.

I have already started to have some fun this year, and its great. Nothing to hardcore, but just some laided back fun, trying to fill my time slots so im not just sitting on my butt all the time. When i do that i feel like im wasting time almost, i feel like i have to do something, if i could just skip sleep that would be great, there is just never enough time in the day. Well see how things are going in a bit.

Thats all for now.