So its that time again, counciling time, and for those who dont know yes i go to counciling. Mainly cause my mom said i had to, apparently she thinks its going to fix something. Ya ya thats a whole another story for some other time.
But ya talking about everything caused stress for the councilor, Joe, mainly we talked about the family thing, about how i cant talk to my family about me being gay at all, its just like ignore it when im at home. And how at this point that i could not take a guy that im dating home. And im not sure that will change anytime soon. And how im pretty much living two different lives where i can be myself, and another where i dont show any aspects of being gay. As well with that, trying to find a way where being gay, who i am, and find a way to also be with God. To me thats trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it doesnt work so well, and for those people who say well just choose one, thats like saying which arm do you want to cut off, your left or your right???? So if you can easily choose which arm you would like to live without for the rest of your life, then let me know. Other wise you have no idea what its like. The constant back and forth of what to think, what to do. Never being sure.
Ya these kinds of things arent easy. So sorry if you think they are, i have to say that they arent. And yes it would be sooooo much easier if i werent gay but its not something i can flip like a switch, its part of me, something i really cant change.
Ya so i stressed out Joe today, mainly cause he can believe that im dealing with all of this at once, and im just trying to take it one day at a time. Just one day at a time, thats how i deal with it. And try to ignore the whole issue with my parents. Im going to try to work something out, so i can be ok with it, as well as my parents, if that means ignoring the subject when im around them thats fine i just need to know.
No comments:
Post a Comment